Preserving the Family Relationship While Planning a Funeral

April 15, 2022

You are with someone with whom you share some history. Maybe it’s a brother, sister, or a childhood friend. You are talking about an event from the “old days” and you suddenly realize you all remember the event a little differently. Most of us have had this experience. Our relationships work in a similar fashion. The way we love, like the way we remember, is unique to each of us.

A man’s children know him as Dad. Each child knows and loves a slightly different Dad. His wife knows and loves him in yet a different way. A wife may know fears, strengths, hopes, and dreams children never saw. They all love, but in such different ways. Though not a bad thing, it can add to the stress a family experiences during a death and subsequent funeral planning.

So how do you preserve your family relationship and plan a funeral that provides comfort for each family member?

1. Establish a common goal. For example: “We want a funeral that reflects Mom’s life, her love for us and our love for her.”

2. Understand someone has the final say. This is usually the person who is financially and legally responsible.

3. Agree to listen to each other. REALLY listen with purpose. Listen to understand a point of view, not with the singular intent of getting to the good part where you get to say what you want.

4. Seek input from a variety of close family members or friends. Don’t forget the little ones. Ask them about grandma. What did they love to do with her? Do they have a special memory or story?

5. Let go. Realize everything is not going to be as you would choose. Give a little or maybe even a lot.

6. Ask for a time out when you need it. Your first reaction to someone’s idea may be tempered with a little time and thought.

7. Use your questions: Tell me more about that? Why is ______ important to you?

8. Take the advice of Stephen Covey from The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, “Seek first to understand and then be understood.”

Emotions are raw when families are mourning a death. Tread lightly and be kind. Remember you may want to have Thanksgiving dinner with these people in a few months!

www.sunsetmemorialpark.com

Sunset Memorial Park, Funeral Home and Cemetery is a family-owned and operated facility that has been providing affordable funeral, burial cremation services for the Dothan, AL community for over 20 years. Their professional funeral directors are experienced in arranging personalized tributes for families of all backgrounds and beliefs. Please visit sunsetmemorialpark.com to learn more.
February 11, 2025
One thing we have come to realize this year is the value of being nimble, agile or light footed. Our world has been turned inside out. We have all come to expect the unexpected and to realize that little is certain. Getting a handle on life in 2020 has been a little like nailing Jell-O! Being flexible and prepared has become more important than ever before.
January 9, 2025
Each year when Memorial Day approaches, American citizens get some mixed messages about what the holiday is really about. For many people, Memorial Day is a day off from school or work where they can engage in a BBQ or spend their first day at the beach of the year. But that’s not really what Memorial Day was created for. So, why do we celebrate Memorial Day? And how can we celebrate it with the origin in mind?
December 3, 2024
Another year over and you made it through without getting that funeral plan completed. But there it is, still on your to do list. How many years have you been thinking about getting this done? If you are a procrastinator this is the one you can put off until the very end. Then it will become a job for someone else.
December 3, 2024
The birds are back. Nest building is underway across America. The early blooms dot the landscape with bright yellows and blues. The grass is that beautiful fresh green that only happens this time of year. Spring has arrived. People feel revitalized, ready to take on new tasks and are optimistic about the future.
December 3, 2024
These very large and very public funerals acknowledge the family’s loss is our loss too. They help the community heal. We may not have ever had a face to face conversation or sat down to break bread with any of these people, but we loved them.
December 3, 2024
You are probably familiar with the iconic National Geographic photo of a grizzly bear just about to close his jaw on a salmon that is literally jumping into his mouth. That photo, taken by Joel Sartore in 1999, speaks to us because it perfectly captures a singular moment of opportunity. An opportunistic moment is something a whole lot of folks are hoping will come their way. They are waiting for their moment.
December 3, 2024
Moving on is not the same as forgetting. Moving on after the death of a loved one, especially a spouse, just means actively engaging in life. It means reaching a point where the mourner has things to look forward to again. J. William Worden, PhD tells us the fourth task mourners must accomplish as they move through grief is to “find an enduring connection with the deceased while moving on with life.”
July 31, 2024
Imagine you’re driving past a funeral home. As you approach, you can see people dressed in mourning clothing coming out of the facilities and climbing into their cars or limousines. But just before you drive by, those vehicles begin to pull out of the funeral home’s parking lot. You’re now encountering a funeral procession. So, how can you treat this important ceremony with the respect it deserves?
July 31, 2024
A funeral may include some or all of the elements mentioned above. It should reflect the life of the person who died and bring comfort to close family members. Funeral directors are eager to have the service meet the family’s desires. Still, funeral directors are not mind readers.
July 31, 2024
As a subject, death can often make people uncomfortable. And as a result, that discomfort extends to how people feel about the funeral profession. For many people, the first time that they enter a funeral home is when a loved one passes. Because of this connection, many people associate funeral homes and what’s inside them with morbidity.
More Posts